Seriously?

I know that I should be grateful that we have made it this far without an "emergency." I should be grateful that our baby is safely tucked away on the inside and not in a NICU incubator like so many other babies are. But today, instead of having our c-section at 3p we are sitting at home, NOT having a c-section.

We had an amnio yesterday and they were looking for a specific number. A number of some chemical that mature lungs make. That number is 55. Our sweet little girl's number is 35. That means, 10 more days. 10 more days of worry, stress, possibly hospital stays and at the worst, an emergency c-section in the middle of the night with a doctor we don't know because i'm bleeding profusely. Now, i'm hoping that isn't the case. I'm hoping this steel wall of a placenta stays as is for the next 10 days. So our little girl will be healthy and be able to come home with us when it's time.

For today, we are shocked and a little upset. We were told week 36. If not week 36, week 37. Now, it's week 38. More nights worrying if i'm feeling her or if she's sleeping heavily. More anxiety. I suppose this is what parenting is all about. The most difficult part is I really can't do much to protect her. It is what it is and there isn't much more to it. It's quite simple in the most stressful kind of ways.